To mark Father’s Day 2023, The Singapore Women’s Weekly got cosy with four celebs to hear their dad stories – how they find work-family balance, how silly they can get for their kids, and… how they deal with dad guilt (yes, it’s real).
Radio DJ Shan Wee doesn’t take life too seriously. And his IG shows so – it’s chock-full of self-deprecating digs involving The Weekly, Scrabble tiles, and Zara store-hopping. But what it also shows, is how seriously Shan takes his responsibilities as a father and husband.
Born in Northern Ireland and raised in Bushmills, Shan has worked in Singapore since 2005 as a radio DJ and host. Currently, the ONE FM 91.3 music director steers The Music Mansion on weekdays, 10am to 1pm. (To start listening, download the Awedio app.) The 41-year-old is a father of three: Ciaran, 10, Arya, 9, and Ruan, 8. Ciaran and Ruan are from his previous marriage with Indonesian event planner Artika Sulaiman; Arya is his stepdaughter with wife Mona Gill, whom he married last November.
Trying to juggle coparenting and stepparenting has been, in Shan’s words, “very, very challenging”. But he takes both easy and difficult moments in his relaxed strides, including “judicial battles” where “I saw you folding clothes for Arya”. While some dads sweat the small stuff, Shan is prepared to “goof off and play” with the kids.
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Why Shan Wee Refuses To Be Called “Bad Dad”
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Are you more of a tiger or panda dad?
I hadn’t heard the term “panda dad” till now but yes, I probably fall into that category. I am more relaxed about letting the kids goof off and play. My wife Mona, who works in digital marketing, is more proactive when it comes to Arya’s school, tuition or enrichment classes like guitar – she’s just better at planning! We divide out the homework; Mona helps with Mandarin, and I handle maths. All partnerships need a balance – right, Tiger and Panda?
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You are stepfather to Arya. How did you try to build a bond with her?
It was easy for me to bond with Arya; she’s seen me as her dad from very early on. We enjoy sports like badminton but we bond especially over music. Our car journeys to and from school are wall-to-wall Taylor Swift road trips. We both know all her albums inside out, and I hope that one day Taylor can be her first proper concert experience.
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On Shan: Denim jacket, Boss. Cotton T-shirt, jeans and shoes, Shan’s own.
On Arya: Dress, Arya’s own.
Most important lesson you’ve learnt from Arya?
She has a pretty consistent disposition of being bright, sunny and carefree, and we can all aspire to be more like that every day.
What are your hopes for Arya?
I hope primarily that she grows up to be a teenager with self-esteem, and that she knows to say “yes” and “no” to people when the time is right. I hope that she enjoys the world and not just the world on her phone screen. And I hope she always feels like she grew up with, besides her mum, a dad and brothers!
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You have two sons, Ciaran and Ruan, who live with their mum. How do you stay connected?
The boys live with their mum in Bali, where they attend the private Green School. They are back with me every school holiday, but a great deal of their life is spent away from me. It is sadly a reality I have gotten used to. I try to connect on FaceTime but of course 10- and 8-year-olds have many more things they would rather do on their iPad than talk to Dad! It’s been very difficult to feel truly involved in their day-to-day lives.
How do you balance between parenting your sons and daughter?
It has been very, very challenging to integrate a family with three kids so close in age. There were numerous times when one would complain about unfair treatment, and how “you always take her side”.
One recent example went like this: “Why do I have to fold my clothes when I saw you folding clothes for Arya?” At that time, I didn’t have a very good explanation. Fortunately, such judicial battles have become less common. I suppose Ciaran gets a little more of the short stick, since more reasonable behaviour is expected of him as the eldest child – even though he is only a year older! But kids are of course very self-centred; if one decision goes against them, prepare to hear no end of “you never take my side!”.
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Their favourite idea of play?
They still enjoy the odd WWE wrestling match on my king-sized bed although it’s very dicey having to control three over-excited brats trying to DDT one another! Once, Ruan threw a bolster at me but by accident it flew out of the window! We live on the 22nd floor.
Oops. What has been your most trying moment/period of fatherhood?
Like many parents, the circuit breaker when we attempted to handle Home-Based Learning was an absolute horror. It was then that I finally understood why people would “need a stiff drink at the end of a hard day”. Trying to get Ciaran, who was 7 then, to follow lessons on fractions, drove me close to the edge of insanity! Would I have done anything differently? I would have started drinking earlier in the afternoon.
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Do you struggle with “dad guilt”?
I don’t think I feel “dad guilt” very keenly. Perhaps I have an overarching sense that my kids aren’t getting the life I’d hoped for them. But my kids have a good, rich and varied life so I never feel hard done by. That’s how I try to keep things in perspective.
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Say, if the kids were to do a Music Mansion takeover, what songs would make it to the playlist?
I’m pretty pleased that all three of them seem to be keen on music. Do you know, on my phone is a Kid playlist that we’ve built over the years? If I let each child choose a favourite track, it might be for Ciaran, “Believer” by Imagine Dragons; Arya, “Golden Hour” by JVKE; and “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley, for Ruan – who has an ’80s soul apparently!
Did music figure much in your own childhood?
When we were young, my brother Chris and I would spend hours listening to and talking about music. Our favourite band was Smashing Pumpkins, and we loved their “1979” for the very nostalgic tone. So I guess it encapsulates my childhood.
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How has fatherhood changed you as a person?
It’s been 10 years of fatherhood so the pre-dad Shan is a long-forgotten memory. I’d like to think I’ve developed patience and resilience during this time. A lot of it is due to my darling wife Mona, who has helped me become a more thoughtful man, a more balanced father, and a better head-of-the-household.
I suppose one deep truth I have come to realise about relationships is, while women will often say something like, “I married him because I knew he would be a good father”, being a great dad is vastly less important than being a good husband. The first gives you the 20% coursework score, but you still need to pass the second – that’s the 80% year-end exam – to get a final grade.
Photography: Jasper Yu
Fashion styling: Angela Chu
Hair & makeup: Laea Hidayah
Location: InterContinental Singapore
In this video, Shan pulls on a unicorn onesie and answers questions from Gen Alpha. He shares his secret to being so tall (he’s 1.94m!), tries to explain why men can’t have babies, and clarifies whether his job is “just to talk on the radio”.
Tap play to find out what went on.
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On Shan: Cotton blend onesie, Turtle Singapore.
